Reflection: Single on Valentine’s Day

By: Amna Faheem

It comes every year like clockwork: February 14, Valentine’s Day. A day full of red roses, hearts, and candy, full of romance and love. And, most of all, full of couples.

In my 19 years of living, I have never had a valentine *queue the gasp*, and it took me a long time to be okay with that. 

In our society, women who don’t have valentines are pitied. They’re the loser in the movie. They’re sad and unhappy, unfulfilled, and missing something truly special in their lives. I used to believe the narrative that because I do not have someone else, I must be flawed.What’s wrong with me that no one wants me? 

It took me a long time (and many bad experiences!) to understand how needing someone else to fill a hole in me was setting myself up for failure. Waiting on someone else to make me happy only guarantees I will never reach that goal. Another person will never be a necessary addition but only an extra in an already fulfilled space. 

Being single on Valentine’s day is not something that’s easy, though. I have become more confident in myself as the years go on, more comfortable in my skin, and enjoying time alone- more than with others at times. I don’t quite notice Valentine’s Day anymore, and I don’t feel that heavy feeling of missing out on something. I have come to realize that being single on Valentine’s day is not a sorrowful experience—I don’t feel bad for myself anymore. 

Still, every now and then, I feel a certain sadness, a certain yearning to share my time and days with someone. I want to be held, to be spoiled and surprised with flowers and chocolates in the classic heart-shaped box. 

And it’s hard not to feel that way or feel unsure of myself when the image of happiness involves a partner, when the reasons for sadness in the media are synonymous with being single, or when the “before” picture is a girl with no admirer. 

It’s hard not to want to be loved. 

That doesn’t mean I’m weak or I’m insecure, and it took a while to understand that. I love myself, and I am both content with myself and being alone. Yet, I also want someone to text about exciting things or to cry with when I’m sad. Someone to hold hands with and send funny videos on Instagram. 

Valentine’s Day has come to represent the romance realm as a whole—if you don’t do Valentine’s right, you’re not doing anything right. 

It was hard overcoming that, seeing everyone around you seemingly in perfect happiness with their significant other. I’ll admit, it was difficult. How do I unlearn everything I’ve been taught about love, everything that I’ve been told about my self-worth being determined by someone else’s attention?

Being single on Valentine’s Day is a challenge—a test. How much do you really value yourself? It’s easy to fall for anyone who gives you the slightest bit of attention for the sake of having someone, but I think Valentine’s Day is the day to show yourself how much you matter. Valentine’s day does not have to be equal to a couple’s day. 

And it’s okay to feel sad, lonely, or to still yearn for a partner. Being comfortable in your independence does not mean you’re emotionless. 

Being single on Valentine's Day is not a failure or a moment of weakness in your life. Give yourself the love you want to receive—you deserve it!