The Unattainable Quest to be “That Girl”

By: Samantha Brennan

Be “that girl.”

Wake up at six. Drink a glass of warm lemon water, followed by a homemade matcha latte or hot coffee. 

Exercise, but not too much. You want to be thin, not bulky— think hot yoga and pilates. No weight-lifting. 

Shower. Curl your hair. Do your makeup. Put on a skirt or a dress. 

Drink a green smoothie for breakfast and have a slice of avocado toast for lunch. That’s all. 

Be productive. Journal. Do all of your assignments, but make time to go out with your group of equally as thin, young, white, and perfect friends.

Be “that girl,” social media tells us, because “that girl” is perfect, beautiful, and worthy. What social media doesn’t tell us, however, is the truth. 

“That girl” is not real. 

She is simply a curated image of beauty sold to women on social media outlets such as TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest as a part of the recent viral trend known as the “That Girl” trend. 

Inspired by beautiful and famous influencers such as Devon Carlson, Emily Mariko, and Victoria Paris, the “that girl” trend promotes clean eating, productivity, mindfulness, self-care, and exercise in return for a perfect body and life.

On the surface, this trend seems to be advertising very healthy and beneficial lifestyle choices. The issue, however, is that that is all they are promoting. “That girl” only looks one way and can only be attained one way. But women, real-life women, are not made to look or be one specific way.

“Remember that social media lives are curated,” said Robin Cooper, a licensed clinical social worker, and Philadelphia-based therapist. “I think the unfortunate thing is that, in our culture, we don’t have enough media literacy in our education system to help people sort out what is created and what is reality.”

To clear up this social media confusion, I am here to say “that girl,”  is not real. 

Heather Kodhelaj, a freshman global studies major, said that while the trend can be motivational, it is also toxic and unrealistic. 

“Not everybody works in that way. Not everybody has that access to those kinds of resources to have the best skincare, or to have the best clothes,” said Kodhelaj. 

In addition to being financially unattainable, the “that girl” ideal is physically impossible for a large majority of women. 

The visual representation of “that girl” is typically a thin, white, young, and feminine-presenting woman. Those who do not fit into this mold, such as women of color, gender non-conforming individuals, transgender women, and plus-sized women are outcasted, explained Hannah Hemsley, a junior communications and social influence major. 

They are made to feel lesser than— a feeling Kodhelaj knows well. 

“It does make me feel inadequate sometimes, said Kodhelaj. “Because not only is there like a beauty standard that comes with it, but it’s like you're not doing the right things and because you’re not doing the right things that’s why your life is shit.”

Growing up, Kodhelaj wanted to be thin, she said. Looking at the girls on social media, she thought disordered eating was the only way to attain this look, she added. 

“I have to experience this because all women experience it and I don’t want to be left out of feeling like a woman,” said Kodhelaj. 

This is where the trend enters dangerous, potentially deadly, territory. Social media feeds young women this singular, fixed idea of beauty with no alternative options, leading them to believe that there is only one way a woman should look and behave.

Young girls force themselves to do whatever necessary, including harming themselves, just to fit into this perfect box of curated female beauty, just to be normal.

What we need to ask ourselves is why? Why are we killing ourselves to attain this unrealistic  image of beauty? Is restricting our diets to solely healthy, whole foods and forcing ourselves into tiny leggings and dresses really making us healthier or happier? 

The answer is no— because even those women who are a size zero, young, and white do not see themselves as beautiful or successful. 

“We’re all chasing the same thing and nobody seems to have ‘it,’” said Kodhelaj. “Nobody has ‘it,’ not even the girls who have ‘it’— even they don’t think they have ‘it.’” 

The solution to this is simple—stop. Stop trying to be “that girl.” 

Cooper encourages her clients to curate their social media in a way that promotes positive feelings.

“If you are following an account that actively makes you feel ashamed, stop following them,” said Cooper. 

Kodhelaj has two Instagrams, one for her friends and family and one for influencers and celebrities, to separate real people from over-curated influencer accounts, she said.

“I think I’ve been much better mentally about my body image issues since I did that,” said Kodhelaj. 

Controlling one’s intake of social media does not mean cutting it out altogether, it just means separating oneself from the parts that are harmful, leaving a feed of only motivational and happiness-inducing posts.

Instead of using the “that girl” trend as a rigid, step-by-step guide to perfection, people should take from it only the things that will truly add to their lives and work for them, said Hemsley. “They can be their own girl or boy instead of having to conform to the trend.”