A Message to the Women Who Want that Bouquet

By: Nuri Piera Webb

There is often this feeling of loneliness amongst those who don’t have a significant other. Scrolling through social media, you may see enamored couples celebrating the day of love and affection, while you yourself might be spending the day alone or your favorite pet —which, in my opinion, is the perfect day, but that’s beside the point.

Valentine’s Day can be a painful time for both couples and singles. There are these set standards by society that create unwanted pressure and competition between couples; like questioning who has more money to buy gifts or who is the better significant other. There is also this expectation that you need a significant other to be happy during these times, even if you want to stay single.

We’ve been taught that on special occasions, it is another person's responsibility to make your day special. These norms have been engraved into our minds, whether it be by society or by our parents.

Advertisements often use lines such as ‘buy this because they deserve a gift of a lifetime’ or ‘make them happy with this gift’ implying that people and their ‘everlasting love’ can be bought. This is something that we cannot escape because it is our society. But, at the end of the day, we are the ones who know ourselves the best.

You know all of your favorites; what brightens up your day and what fulfills your desires-- so take that knowledge and use it to make yourself feel happy and loved.

It is easy to experience hurt from unrequited love, rejection, or even jealousy of couples. Save yourself from those negative feelings. Try staying off of social media as much as possible so you don’t have to witness these acts of affection. Instead, spend that time doing something that calms the mind and that you enjoy.

Rather than waiting for someone to treat you and end up being disappointed, go out and buy yourself some crystals in a chocolate box and flowers.

That sounds strange, doesn’t it? Flowers are normally something given to us for a particular occasion, not sought out by ourselves. But why is that the case? It is always assumed that if a woman is carrying around a bouquet, a lover bought them for her, rather than being purchased with her own money.

Of course, receiving a gift of flowers is wondrous and delightful. Unfortunately, not everyone can rely on someone else and they shouldn’t have to.

Whether it is to congratulate yourself for an achievement, to brighten up your home, to calm yourself, or just because you want it, go out and purchase that bouquet. You deserve to be the protagonist of your own life. You don’t need to wait for some external validation.

Self-love is already not as promoted as it should be. The media has long upheld this dangerously unrealistic standard of beauty and success. It has harmed so many people including teens. Media has always been used to show the best and happiest side of someone, not the reality of life. With Valentine’s Day approaching, it begins to worsen; it is grotesquely capitalistic and often heartbreaking.

Contrary to belief, this holiday, more often than not, brings out insecurities that may have never been known before. Am I not good enough? Doesn’t anybody love me? Why didn’t I get chocolates too?

I know I have felt terrible every Valentine’s Day for the past seven years because I have never had a significant other. I always witnessed confessions, proposals, and all other romantic gestures, but I never experienced them myself.

Fortunately, I have recently learned that I can do all of the things I have wanted to by myself; have a picnic, make a sage green cake, or go to a local museum.

A person should not feel complete only after someone else enters their life. Remember that being alone and being lonely are two very different things. You can be alone on Valentine’s Day but you don’t have to feel lonely. That time by yourself does not need to be filled by someone else.

Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti spoke on this issue. “It is beautiful to be alone,” said Krishnamurti. “To be alone does not mean to be lonely. It means the mind is not influenced and contaminated by society.”

Galentine's Day, which is the celebration of all of the women you love, including yourself, on February 13th, is a more appropriate occasion in my judgment. It helps promote self-love along with love amongst all women. Celebrate these days as if you are the most important person in your life because you are.

“She is the happiest in her own little world. She didn’t need anyone or anything to complete her. She was whole, all by herself.” stated author, J. Iron Word.

Despite the insecurities that haunt you or the silent struggles, make this Valentine’s Day about you. You are important. Celebrate the person you have become and treat yourself the way you treat your loved ones.