Learning to Love Myself — REFINE Magazine

By: Malorie Lazer

I find myself looking in the mirror and swiftly moving my hips to see myself from different angles. I lean my head to the right and stand gently on my tippy toes, squeezing my stomach in and grabbing at my hips. I catch myself squeezing at the smallest pimple on my forehead and nervously picking at my nails, to discover they need to be painted.

Maybe I forgot to hold the door open for someone and I beat myself up all day wondering if I could have been kinder. I can admit to finding all the small things about myself that could be better, but one day I had the thought, “It’s time to learn to accept yourself.”

Going into the second semester of my sophomore year of college, I decided it was time to better my body, mind, and spirit––for myself and myself only. I began the road to loving myself in December 2019. I spent the first semester of my sophomore year in a constant state of unhappiness, stress, and frustration. I wanted to make the personal changes necessary to being a happier person and someone I loved.

Steps I Have Taken To Loving Myself

I began this journey by changing the way I eat. Healthy body, healthy mind was my new mantra. I spent time doing little, productive things like meal prepping. Setting aside a half-hour every day to become a better me through my eating habits was essential. I felt happier eating cleaner rather than eating the cheapest snack I could find at the closest convenience store.

Another step to self-love was making time for the gym. I found that the classic idea of exercise releasing endorphins rang true for me. Over time, I became aware of my lazy habits. I would catch myself cuddled in a blanket watching yet another sitcom during my free time rather than being productive.

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash — Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

Working out has made me become more confident in my skin and learning to love my body has been a crucial step to my personal happiness and self-acceptance. I feel empowered going to the gym and it’s something I’m happy to make time for in my day.

Along with eating cleaner and exercising, I needed to take care of my mind. I looked into Temple’s resources and activities on campus. During this search, I stumbled across a list of the IBC’s schedule of group fitness classes. One thing that caught my attention was the meditation classes.

Each Monday night, I attend a meditation class and I’ve found it to be a helpful stress reliever. I love going on Mondays to start the week off with a focused mind. Sometimes, I find myself going into homework already stressed, but setting aside time to meditate has helped me stay calm while doing school work. I’ve been seeing an improvement in grades so far from it, and I find myself being more patient in stressful times and easing my anger.

There are plenty of other ways I practice mindfulness throughout the day without having to go to a meditation class. One thing I like to do to calm my nerves is to focus on my breathing. Coping with stress, anxiety, and anger in a healthy way and taking care of my mind have benefitted me immensely.

There’s a lot of self-rejection involved in learning to love yourself. Eating healthy does make me feel more confident about myself, but I find that sometimes I judge myself for getting a treat, such as iced coffee in the morning.

Exercise also plays a major factor in my self-judgment. Sometimes I can’t maintain the same pace as the class I’m taking or if I can’t make time for the gym on a busy day, I’ll spend the rest of my day feeling guilty. Maybe I’ll even begin to think I’m not going to be able to complete this journey.

When I start to feel this way, I remind myself that this road to self-love isn’t linear, but it’s worth it. Finding new ways to feel like the best version of you in your skin is exciting. I’ve learned a lot about myself through this journey so far. I found new things I love to do that I now include in my daily routine.

I’m learning my limits while also setting goals to push them. This journey has been both empowering and difficult. I’m proud of myself for taking on this difficult path to self-love even though I’m unsure if this road has an ending. We are constantly changing and learning new things about ourselves, but we have to learn to embrace and adjust to them.